I can't help but shake this feeling that seems to have draped its self over me, an unwelcome presence if there ever was one. The general mood of of everything on both sides of the good-evil spectrum seems to be shifting slowly towards neutrality. I fear that in no time at all the distinction will cease to exist, and all that remains will be that which "is." This planet needs the most extreme kind of abnormality to stay even remotely interesting, and damn it all if I'm just going to accept this all encompassing movement. My personal philosophy demands that I constantly struggle towards the side of good, and I'll keep doing so even if I have to drag everything else with me. Mediocrity will never be good enough.

However, that's based on the assumption that I'm classifying this feeling correctly. It's nothing malicious, divine, good nor evil. Barely noticable at its greatest intensity, but enough that for a split second it shows itsself and then slowly fades out while I'm left here wondering what it was to begin with. It feels like everything is changing at an incredibly slow pace, and despite whether that change happens to be a positive or negative thing, it has an aura about it that what's left behind isn't going to be quite as interesting as what came before. Like the engine that drives humanity is gradually running out of steam and nobody is bothering to bring it back to its previous glory. That fire that everyone projected into eachother has been replaced by complacency and a desire to be inoffensive if at all possible.

Blaming society is too cliche. I've always related societary problems to fundamental flaws in the nature of humanity, but this doesn't seem to fit. War is a direct result of our primitive and aggressive nature, corruption caused by greed, obesity caused by laziness, but where does this come in? Am I led to believe that mankind doesn't seek to be interesting anymore? That we're fine with the idea of filling out paperwork and spending an entire life working in some meaningless office job, our reason to continue being some distant hope that we'll get a raise or promotion? Fuck that, I want a species that's completely insane at all times and makes no attempt to hide it. I'm hoping evolution is going to result in something better than the bullshit that we have now, and that this momentary rut of creativity on the graph is suddenly going to shoot up even past what it was before. That people will have something more to their lives than celebrity gossop, that people will stop thinking of getting drunk as the ultimate social activity, and that the final goal of life is no longer to find a mate and spread your seed to the next generation.

The real question is this: Can this be left to chance, or will some sort of massive shock to the system be needed before things set themselves on the right path again? Then there's the problem of whether or not that's even possible anymore. Maybe this shit is too ingrained in our very souls now that getting rid of acceptance isn't an option anymore. A possible change towards the good would go unnoticed if the message doesn't get through to anyone. Then one has to figure out what the message is to begin with and whether or not it can even be applied to more than the person who thought of it to begin with. My idea of a perfect world is nothing but wishful thinking and there's no possible way it could work.

The only chance that I have to change anything, and the only chance that anyone else with a different opinion has, is to limit the degree of insanity which we choose to let out. Stretch the boundaries to their absolute limits so that civilization as a whole is teetering on the edge of complete destruction, and a single step further will cause the whole thing to collapse in a magnificent display of fire and death. The missile turret in the backyard is fine as long as the explosions are kept relatively small and you don't blow up anyone that doesn't already want to die. Concealed weapons are fine as long as you don't knife anyone other than the masochists. Near lethal doses of hallucinogens are fine as long as you lock yourself inside first. Do whatever the fuck you want with everything that belongs to you, just leave the others alone.

That's not to say that anarchy is a solution. Anarchy is stupid and will never work. In fact, pretty much every system of government that man has devised is stupid and doesn't work. Either everyone ends up dead or everything ends up politically correct, neither of which are even remotely interesting. What's ideal is a sort of halfway balance between the two. Madman rantings and abnormal behavior is plentiful, but everyone gets their own bubble. All the same important institutions exist to get rid of the dangerously extravagant, but everyone's just that much more unpredictable. That's all I ask for.

But then again, this is all based on that momentary, almost unclassifiable emotion. Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe it's so slight that I'm misinterpreting which way it's facing. Maybe when the up goes down and the down goes up, the down goes up just a little bit more than the up goes down. With such a distant feeling, it could be anything. I have no doubt in my mind that it affects nobody else in the way it effects me, and that it's probably just some sort of philosophical placebo, and just a remnant of a past idea that probably had no validity to begin with. Too many conflicting factors to say for sure, I guess the only thing left to do is hope that it all turns out the way I want it to in the end.